Marital Therapy Techniques That Work

No marriage is perfect. And when you and your partner encounter relationship challenges, seeking marital therapy can give you the tools and insights to help you build trust and strengthen your bond.

At Happy Apple, our team of psychotherapists offers couples therapy in the Columbus Circle neighborhood of New York City. There are a number of effective approaches to marital therapy that can work, and we specialize in emotionally focused therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Method.

Both techniques are evidence-based, and they can be remarkably successful in helping couples navigate their challenges and build a healthier relationship. Here’s how they work.

Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) for couples

EFT is a therapeutic approach that focuses on the emotional connection between partners.

Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, it’s based on the understanding that emotional attachment and bonding are essential to a healthy relationship. The primary goal of EFT is to help couples identify and express their underlying emotions, which promotes intimacy and helps them develop a stronger bond.

Your therapist helps your and your partner identify the negative interaction patterns that lead to conflict and disconnection in your relationship. For many couples these patterns are often rooted in unexpressed emotions, like fear, sadness, or insecurity. Bringing these emotions to the surface allows you both to see each other’s vulnerabilities and needs more clearly.

Over time, EFT can help you replace negative interaction cycles with positive, emotionally supportive behaviors. For example, a partner who frequently withdraws during arguments might be doing so out of a fear of rejection. Through EFT, this partner can learn to express their fear directly, leading to a more compassionate response from their spouse.

EFT is a highly effective martial therapy technique. In fact, research indicates that about 90% of couples show significant improvements in their relationship. The focus on emotions and attachment needs makes EFT particularly powerful in helping couples who feel disconnected.

The Gottman Method for couples

The Gottman Method, developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, is another widely respected approach to marital therapy. Based on decades of research, the Gottman Method is structured around the concept of the "Sound Relationship House," which includes key components like trust, commitment, and conflict management.

One of the foundational elements of the Gottman Method is the idea that successful relationships are built on a deep friendship and mutual respect. Therapy focuses on helping couples strengthen their friendship by enhancing their "love maps" — the detailed knowledge they have of each other’s worlds. This includes understanding each other’s dreams, fears, and daily experiences.

Conflict management is another important element of the Gottman Method. Unlike some approaches that aim to eliminate conflict, the Gottman Method acknowledges that conflict is a natural part of any relationship.

The key is to manage conflict in a way that is respectful and constructive. Couples learn to recognize and avoid the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" — criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling — which are behaviors that can be particularly destructive to a relationship.

In therapy, you can learn how to successfully navigate conflict and build a positive emotional climate within your relationship. Your therapist encourages you to engage in regular rituals of connection, like date nights or shared hobbies, to maintain and strengthen your bond.

Both EFT and the Gottman Method offer powerful tools for couples seeking to improve their relationships. If you and your partner are facing challenges, these techniques can provide a road map to healing and reconnection — and our team at Happy Apple is here to help. Call us at 646-351-6418 or send us a message online to get started.