How to Set Relationship Goals in Couples Therapy

Setting clear relationship goals in couples therapy is one of the first steps toward a stronger, healthier partnership. And by working together to define your goals, you can start improving communication, trust, and emotional connection. Here’s how.

Couples therapy is a supportive space for partners to strengthen their bond, resolve conflicts, and work toward a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. It can be beneficial for couples whether they’re in a good place or they’re facing challenges — and one of the most effective ways to foster growth in therapy is by setting clear, achievable goals.

Setting goals provides structure and direction for you and your partner in therapy, and it helps you both know how you can actively contribute to improving your relationship. At Happy Apple in Columbus Circle in New York City, our trained therapists work with you to set meaningful relationship goals as part of couples therapy, and here’s how to get started.

1. Identify key issues

The first step in setting relationship goals for couples therapy is identifying the key issues that brought you to therapy in the first place. These might be recurring conflicts, communication barriers, or emotional disconnection. It’s important to discuss these issues openly with your therapist, who can help guide the conversation and make sure both you and your partner feel heard.

Some common issues that couples face include trust problems, financial disagreements, or a lack of intimacy. Once we clearly identify the issues you want to work on, it becomes easier to establish goals that address them directly. For example, if trust has been damaged, a goal might be to rebuild trust through transparency and honest communication.

2. Set specific and measurable goals

Once we’ve identified key areas for improvement, it’s time to set specific, measurable goals. A common goal in couples therapy might be: “We want to communicate better,” but a goal like this can be difficult to track and achieve.

Instead, we recommend setting goals that are clear and actionable, and we can help you define them. For example, a clearer goal regarding communication might be: “We will set aside 30 minutes each day to talk without distractions.”

Measurable goals allow you to track progress over time, which can be motivating and reassuring as you move through therapy. And if you have large goals, we work with you to break them into smaller, more manageable steps, so each goal feels attainable and aligned with your relationship’s needs.

3. Think about both short-term and long-term goals

It’s important to differentiate between short-term and long-term goals. Short-term goals focus on immediate changes that can improve your daily interactions, like reducing arguments or increasing expressions of appreciation. Long-term goals, on the other hand, might involve deeper emotional work, like addressing past trauma.

You, your partner, and your therapist determine how to prioritize your relationship goals. Balancing short-term successes with long-term aspirations helps prevent feelings of being overwhelmed and gives you and your partner a sense of accomplishment throughout therapy.

4. Be flexible and willing to adjust your goals

Relationships are dynamic, and as you progress in therapy, your goals might evolve. Regularly checking in with your therapist and your partner gives you the opportunity to assess how things are going and whether the goals you’ve set are still aligned with your relationship's needs.

If new challenges or insights arise, it’s important to be flexible and willing to make changes to your goals and therapy plan. Being adaptable shows a commitment to your relationship and recognizes that growth is a continuous process.

5. Focus on mutual growth and collaboration

Last but not least, effective relationship goals should promote mutual growth between you and your partner. Rather than focusing on what one partner needs to change, goals should emphasize shared efforts and teamwork. For instance, a goal might be: “We will practice active listening during disagreements,” rather than: “You will listen better.”

Collaborative goals encourage a sense of partnership and shared responsibility, which helps you both feel invested in the success of your relationship. This approach also fosters trust, respect, and a greater sense of connection as you work toward improving your relationship together.

Setting relationship goals in couples therapy provides a road map for growth and healing, and it’s a powerful first step in the journey to strengthening your bond. Ready to get started with one of our couples therapists at Happy Apple? Call us at 646-351-6418 or send us a message online now.