The Role of a Therapist in Marital Counseling
It’s always been just the two of you, working things out together. You think marital counseling might help, but you wonder why you need to share your secrets with a third person. What, exactly, does a therapist do in marital counseling?
Every year, substantially more people get married than divorced. In 2022, more than 2 million marriages were performed in the 45 states that provide such statistics. The same year, fewer than 673,989 couples divorced. Nevertheless, 43% of first marriages are dissolved, as are 60% and 73% of second and third marriages, respectively.
Whether you’ve been married for weeks, months, years, or decades, marriage is a constant negotiation of needs that requires patience, boundaries, and good communication skills. Unfortunately, these attributes aren’t easily gifted to couples on their wedding day.
Over time, as you’ve settled into your marriage, you may find that friction increases, new issues arise, and disagreements aren’t settled as easily as they used to be. Perhaps you’re interested in counseling so you can have a solid beginning to your marriage.
You hope that couples therapy can help you avoid becoming another divorce statistic. At Happy Apple at Columbus Circle in New York City, Maggie Vaughan, MFT, PhD, and our team offer marital counseling to help you and your spouse.
What role does your therapist play in marital counseling? Following are a few of the prime ways they help
Therapists create neutrality
Unlike your best friends, your parents, or your siblings, therapists don’t take sides when listening to and helping you navigate a challenging event or situation. During marriage counseling, neither one of you is “wrong” or “right.”
A therapist’s job is to listen actively and objectively as you both express your feelings. They may ask questions, but they don’t give advice, scold, or blame. Instead, they’re facilitators to help you and your spouse achieve more effective communication.
Therapists create a safe space
Even if you deeply love your partner, you may have secrets that you’re unwilling to share. If your partner has anger issues, you may be reluctant to criticize them or bring up touchy subjects, such as financial problems or differences in child rearing.
During your counseling session, your therapist creates a safe space where you can each freely express yourselves without interruption or contradiction. When you listen to your spouse without defending yourself or shifting blame, you hear them in a more objective way.
Therapists don’t diagnose or label you or your spouse. If either of you has a mental health issue that impacts the relationship, they may suggest a referral for individual counseling. They’re also not there to give advice or act as a coach.
Within the marital sessions, the objective is for you to learn to actively listen to your partner without interrupting them. And your partner can do the same. Each of you also learns how to express yourself with blame-free “I” statements. These allow you to communicate your feelings without the other person feeling like the target for your distress.
Therapists help you set achievable goals
When you first meet with your therapist, one of their jobs is to help you identify your main goals for your relationship. Unlike individual therapy, marriage counseling is meant to be short-term. It’s also solution-oriented.
That’s why choosing one or more attainable goals is so important: Setting the end point and breaking it down into sub-goals helps you both monitor your progress. Most couples have about 12 sessions with their therapist.
Therapists model and teach communication skills
A therapist is trained to be an active listener and to communicate clearly and precisely. Not only do they model these skills for you and your partner during your sessions, but they also teach these all-important techniques.
Marital counseling improves communication in your marriage, strengthening trust and cooperation. The skills you learn extend to other areas of your life, too. After counseling, 90% of couples report improved mental health. Other benefits they note include:
Improved physical health
Improved functioning at work
Better relationship with each other
Better relationships with kids
In fact, in marriages with children, marital counseling can even improve your kids’ performance in school.
If you’re ready to make changes in the way you and your spouse communicate and solve problems, contact our Happy Apple team for marital counseling today. You can call our office or book an appointment online.
